Welcome to "Spam-a-lot"

I, like everybody else, hate having my mailbox filled with junk. Being my age has added a whole new category I call "junk."

AARP is sending me stuff now. For those of you not privileged to live in this fair country..AARP is the Retired Peoples Assoc..whereby people over 55 can buy insurance, get travel information and such, at a cheaper rate..or so they claim.. I may be 50, but I don't want to admit it yet, nor do I want to see it in my box. Let me live in denial, and pay a little more for a while!!

It's the spam that my email filters that cracks me up. The filter finds about 25 pieces an hour:

- Claim your "free computer"!!!

- Under 30 women looking for men in my area!!!

- Work from home, earn loads of cash.!!!

- *NEW* Meet a lovely Russian woman!!!

- Get new Lima Bean recipes!!!

- Extend your warranty!!!

- Candie, we've been trying to reach you, you have a check for $1200.00 waiting for you to claim it!!!

- Claim your military Benefits!!!

- Maybelline makeup free offers!!!

- Nursing school tuition money.!!!

- Meet single eligible millionaires over 40.!!!

They always seem to have several '!!!' following them.. Guess that's to make them more enticing? After 125 a day, you can put all the '!!!' you want, it's still not going to be opened!

I have looked at the computer one once..It was a Mac, that's good, but the promotion didn't apply in Washington State. I tried my aunt's place in Idaho and that worked. Then you needed to buy magazines, or teeth whitening products.. and I didn't get her permission to use her address and I panicked and got out of there.

Under 30 women..is this the age of the women or the number of women looking for men in my area. WHY DO I CARE? I'm looking for men in my area! Now I have competition from 30 more women, or more women under 30?

Great.. I have my computer and I have my cat. I need nothing else... Liar, Liar pants on fire!

I do work 'from home'. I can't figure out how to get 'doing laundry' and 'doing dishes' to pay. If you have suggestions, email me!!

I have no idea how the "Meet a lovely Russian Woman" would connect with ME. I don't move in those circles.. If you do, and you need a link, let me know I will forward it to you.

I have not, nor has any member of my family ever been in the military.. How do they find ME?

Whoa!.. wait a minute.. Nursing school tuition? In what universe, On what planet, In who's mind do I want to go to nursing school? Hey.. are they reading my hubs? If they were they would clearly know I'm not going to be a nurse, and if they thought about it, they really don't want me to be a nurse.

Single eligible millionaires over 40. How many of them are there? 2? 3? Ok, I will give them the benefit of the doubt, say there are 7 and if half are even single, what's wrong with them? 3 1/2 single, normal millionaire males running around loose and they have to advertise on my spam and on my Facebook. There is really something amiss here.

Maybe I should run an add: Average looking women of average intelligence looking for "over 40 millionaires." Send copies of your portfolios.. oh and your cars.. and your house/s and don't forget the boat.

You can really never trust a picture. Some boats aren't too photogenic and may appear larger in the snapshot that in real life.. snapshots never show you the algae growing on the underside, either. I would want to see the algae and line up the boat with a familiar object, like a plane, so I can see the actual size for myself. Leave off the person on the stern waiving happily. Wow that person is sure tiny compared to the size of the lifeboat! It's a five year old child.. you can't tell it from far away.

I have my doubts these would get any hits, but maybe, just maybe there would be one. One is enough, right?

I tend to be a "glass half full" kinda gal, most times I'm just happy to have the glass with or without a beverage.

I don't need a millionaire. Maybe a hundred-aire. I don't want to go to nursing school, I know you really don't have a check for $1200.00 waiting for me. I have nothing that needs or qualifies for an extended warranty - except maybe my body and I lost that warranty card three months ago, so I'm not sure when it expires. I do need new car tabs, tho. My son says to say I do need a computer of my own..he's tired of sharing.

They say not to trust mail sent from someone you don't know.. could contain viruses and so forth. Not sure who "they" is, but I'm gonna trust them on this.

I love my email filter! Just in the brief time I've been typing this my little Spam-Gnome has pulled 7 from going astray..into my inbox. Well done Spam-Gnome!

Wait... was..was that a recipe for Lima Beans?? Nah, couldn't be..