Looking for Ms/Mr. Right.. You're out there somewhere!
64How to meet a really nice woman..
That's the age-old question, isn't it. Or at least one of them.
Meeting the "nice" woman (or in my case man)
Sometimes they are right under our noses and we've been too busy looking for what we've decided is the "perfect" other.
Sometimes you (and when I say you I also mean me) has to wonder if "what if that person is far away"? Long distant relationships can be undoable, even if the fit is perfect.
Maybe you (and again, me) have to alter that deep set idea of what would be perfect. I was dating a guy for several months. His problem with me was I was a brunette. His "perfect" needed to be a blonde or red head. His ex was a brunette. No matter now great we were, and we fit well together. I am a brunette and I get 2 strikes. I can be a red head. My son is a red head, so was my mom.. Lucky me, not! So for a long time I, too , had this "perfect other" stuck in my head and I measured all men to that standard. They had strikes they didn't deserve either.
I can't tell you what to do to open your eyes and your heart to see differently. Only you know the standards you've put in place.
I would offer only this. She is out there. Somewhere. What if she was far away? What then? What if she was already under your nose and you can't see her?
Most of the ones I've met on Match.com are, shall I say, not what I want.. overadvertised perhaps? I demand honesty, and I haven't found that to be the case there.
Maybe we just need new eyes.
All my best!
Candie V
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Hi May! It's a tough question! We have to believe that who and what we are has to be enough.. if it's not "Next!" I don't want to put it on the level of buying shoes, but it kinda is, either they fit, or they don't. You don't want to have to "break them in". You wanna wear them dancing tonight!
That fellow whose "perfect" had to be a blonde because his ex was a brunette still had issues with the ex. Too bad you wasted so much time on him. So I agree, it *is* like buying shoes. If you can't go dancing in them tonight, they'll never fit the way they should! Next!
Hi Jama, his hair was light, but went almost black after cancer treatment. It was wild how great we were together, but he's still wrestling with the cancer and can't commit, so I'm out there trying on shoes!!! Maybe my board game needs a dating card!!
When he says, sorry you're not a redhead or blonde, say sorry I don't go for men with a beer belly, bald spot or 3 inch penis.
Hey Cindy! Physical standards are so deep set in us.. It takes a lot of work to get beyond it, doesn't it. I have a thing about good teeth..they don't have to be perfect and straight, but golly, I like nice teeth.. so get dentures guys, really!
How delusional we all are at times! We have preconceived notions about how things should look or behave and end up missing the wood for the trees!
FP, we really can be!! Both of ourselves, and others. If we were all blind, would we make the same choices? I only know if I were blind I'd have enough trouble getting out of my kitchen let alone trying to meet "mr. right" or "mr. right now"
How about 'Mr. Right for Now' - based on the assumption that with time everything changes, including our delusions about the person we're looking for? :P
FP - Do you think that this, along with so much else has made us even more of a 'disposable' society?
I do Candy, from what I have seen, it's "have em,try em, don't like em, chuck em, " Oh , where is the next one? Inncccrredible.
Well put! I really enjoyed this hub a lot because I have experienced a similar problem. I'm glad that someone took the time to write their point of view on the subject. Easily rating this hub thumbs up!! Good luck to you friend.
well candie, let me just say...any guy would be nuts not to fall madly for you.
what is with the world today huh?
:)
Hawkesdream - Yes, "Next"!!! Ladyvenus - There are a lot of us 'nice' ones out there.. why can't they find us? Maybe we need name tags" Simply Amy - I don't quite get it... either. Thank you!! BadCo BadCo BadCo - She's right under your nose.. just sayin!! *with one eyebrow arched* right under yer irish nose! As for the 'game' it's your move...draw a card!
I agree with Simply Amy
Ah Larry, I'm blushing, I don't know what to tell you.. I'm confused, too.. Nice girls finish last? No not all of us.. but some of us do.
Well the trump card reads "the last shall be first and the first shall be last: for many are called but few are chosen" I rejoice in that encouragement and I love how God chooses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise.
Larry - as always .. thank you!
It's discouraging, isn't it? There are good matches out there for all of us, but we have the damndest time trying to find them. I guess it's understandable, considering the sheer number of eligible singles out there. In the end, you're right. The best thing you can do is keep your heart open and hope you find the one you've been looking for.
For the record, you can count me among the ever-dwindling group known as Nice Guys. We are out there, ladies. Track us down.
Dan - it's good toknow you are out there! Come find us! We are waiting - just sitting here knitting sweaters for our cats!
Yes, finding the 'right' person can be a roller coaster ride of emotions! I was married 20 years, divorced, thought I found Mr. Right again that same year, married and quickly got it anulled, because he WAS NOT Mr. Right at all!!! After that a dating frenzy ensued and out of the blue, I did meet Mr. Right!! We met in a book store, neither really looking... and our love has grown stronger with each passing year, 6 1/2 now! Yes, Mr. or Mrs. Right is out there and most often we find them when we are not looking! Loved your hub!
Many thanks Montana - wish I could find "Mr. Right - sooner would be nice, but I'm willing to wait, and/or travel to find him!!
Hope he comes knocking on your door SOON Candie. You would make the right guy really happy. My mother used to have an old saying that went something like this..."There is a cover for every pot." Maybe that's the trouble...that darn drawer with all those mixed-matched covers!
Getting past outward appearances is the first hurtle and getting to know the real person...therein lies the quest!
Peggy! You are digging thru the attic for these! HA!! I'm waiting... patiently... Thank you!
So am I the pot or the lid? I'd hate to be looking for a lid if I'm a lid.. that would just be wrong!
What a sweet but sad hub, Candie. I'm not saying it depressed me, but it's lowered the happiness quotient here in London SW16. I can't imagine how anyone could resist you, whether as a blonde, brunette, red head or grey... you appear to have a wonderful soul, and I feel that when Mr Right comes along (unless he has already) he'll be the luckiest man on the planet.
Hey Twilight! Ah! Don't be sad! I'm learning to be happy with 'me' now.. and when (if) Mr. Right ventures by it'll be icing on the cake! Meahwhile, life is good, son is healthy and happy and I've a lot of great friends to make life terrific! Thank you for stopping in and sharing your heart!
Candie, please give me a break... "His "perfect" needed to be a blonde or red head." Your "perfect" needed to be a guy who loved you for yourself and couldn't have cared less about the blondes or red heads, which by the way can both be purchased at the local WalMart for a few bucks. Why even bother with a guy like him? You don't need that humilation, nobody does. You are a true romantic for believing there may be a "perfect" someone out there.
Hi Disturbia! It's been a long long time! You did indeed find an 'oldie' in here.. and I agree with you completely! And by the way.. I went to Walmart and invested a few bucks.. and it was all Just For Me! WooHoo! Hugs!!
Revisiting this hub. To answer your question as to your being the pot or lid...I would guess that you are the pot. Reason? The pot has almost everything it needs and can hold all the important things. The lid is simply something to cap it off and keep things warm. It is nice to have but not absolutely necessary if things in the pot are carefully watched, stirred and tended every so often.
I was actually never asked this question. Things are getting a bit deep here. Ha! In any case...it will be nice if that well fitting cover or lid comes along someday! Sweet wishes for you, Candie!
Thank you Peggy! My life is ready to envision a future with a 'lid'! LOL! I've never before thought of myself as a 'pot'.. but that's what it is! No not the functional and empty part.. Maybe it's just around the corner? I'm excited - for the first time in almost 3 years to see what's new for me! Who knows?
When I wrote this I didn't think it existed. I'm now living happily ever after ;))
Intimacy
Yearning reaches out from my very soul
rising through my flesh
Reaching out with pleading
pathetic futile uncertain grasps
I beg for just one touch
to recognise this need
which burns like a raging fire in me
The scars some third degree
Lay witness on my face
Yet fair with humble grace
Touch me from your depths within
let me feel for one moment
that which I know has been felt
by some less worthy than I
Passions gone I have encountered
but none have I desired such
thus intimacy that needs not fondle
nor climax joys
though would not be denied
Can my unconditional love
ignite but a glimmering ember
that have kindled forest fires
That I may be engulfed
in that burning heat
of true loves warm desire.
That's fantastic Z! Thank you for sharing it with me.. and I'm so glad you have found the 'other of your dreams'!! I shall endeavor to hold out for that 'other of my dreams' as well! Thank you so much!!
mayhmong 3 years ago
Its sad nowadays that guys go for the ones that likes to get down and dirty to start off with. Especially being a brunette myself. But same thing goes to us too! Some guys may not be as bad. Then again....hmmm.